Insurgents' Ink: Out of the Chronic Closet

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Out of the Chronic Closet

You are not obligated to hide your illness to make other people comfortable

I came out today in the Daily City target, and it felt amazing. A large part of my illness is that I go into states where I lose, to varying degrees, speech and muscle control. Depending on the degree of loss, I have tics, for lack of a medical or diagnostic term, that I can suppress with difficulty. For example, it feels good to moan or repeat sounds. It also feels good to rock back and forth or to tap my hands in a certain way. In combination with the dazed expression on my face and lack of coordination and/ or speech, I look like someone with a serious mental disability. I look like a "retard." So, in public, I hide it as much as possible.

Until today in Target. I had read the above quote (the full quote is below) and it occurred to me that I didn't have to hide. It meant people stared. It meant I made them uncomfortable. It meant they wished I was different. I could not have cared less. It felt wonderfully free to just let myself be as sick as I actually am. It was so much easier than hiding!

It felt much like when I was in my early twenties and dressed like a dyke in a very small town where the women all had fake tans, nails and boobs. Where Tri-Tip is God and so is Jesus. People stared. People were uncomfortable. Some people were mean. I could not have cared less. I was me and they were them. People are different; get over it.

It felt much like the times have I shaved my head too. People stared. People were uncomfortable. People told me I would be pretty if I were different. I could not have cared less. I loved my shaved head. I loved defying my gender role in such a public way.

I think, as women, we often put other people's feelings before our own. We are socialized to do just that and it becomes "natural" behavior. Well, there is nothing natural about trying to hide who I am. Partnered with a woman or a man, bald-headed or long-haired, healthy or sick...this is me. And with that, I'm out.

How do you hide? In what ways do you make yourself uncomfortable for the sake of other people or for cultural norms?

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Submission Guidelines

1. We are currently seeking critical essay submissions on the topic of the intersectionality of sexism and racism,

We accept Poetry and Short Fiction submissions on any topic.

2. All submissions must meet (or come close to meeting) the following word counts:

· Critical essays – 500 to 5,000 words. Include a bibliography, if applicable.

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*All submissions are posted at the editors’ discretion. If your piece is not included, we may post it at a later date for a topic that we feel is more fitting.

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Bios

Amber Dickey- Co-Editor
She received an M.A. in English with an emphasis on literature and a B.A. in English with an American literature concentration from CSU Sacramento. As an undergraduate, Amber won second place in the Bazzanella Literary Awards for her critical analysis of T.S. Eliot's The Wasteland. She is an avid fan of the Lost Generation writers, Héléne Cixous, bell hooks, Judith Butler, and many, many others. Her interests lie in the arts, poverty and race studies, gender studies, queer theory, pedagogy, and the Feminist Movement debate. She credits her mother's strength and perseverance as a single mother of three with inspiring her to work hard for everything she wants and never take shit from anyone.

Autumn Newman- Co-Editor
Autumn is a feminist new-formalist poet who received her MFA in creative writing from the University of Southern Maine’s Stonecoast low-residency program where she had the opportunity to work with poets Annie Finch, Baron Wormser and many other talented writers. She also holds a BA in English from California State University, Sacramento, where the poet and professor Joshua McKinney infected her with a seemingly innocent, yet unyielding, addiction to formal poetics. Autumn’s poems have appeared in various small poetry journals and most recently online at Able Muse and Cider Press Review. Aside from poetry and feminism, Autumn’s passions include: pedagogy, graphic novels, music, film, domestic violence education, race relations and all issues that affect and contribute to the unequal power structure of our society.

What's in a Name?

Insurgents’ Ink is a labor of love, and at no moment were the labor pains more evident than when we struggled to come up with an appropriate name for this blog. French feminist Héléne Cixous in her well-known piece from the 1970s, Laugh of the Medusa, famously explicated her concept of insurgency. In it, she urges her female readers to commit an act of insurgency by the simple act of writing, an act, she argues, that allows females to actively resist the historical imperative that women remain in the background. Writing allows women to reclaim their bodies and their minds.

Of course, the term “insurgent” has taken on a far more insidious connotation in our post-9/11 world; read anachronistically, Cixous seems to be likening écriture féminine to terrorism. While we certainly do not wish to take Cixous’ words out of context, we got a chuckle out of the female-writer-as-terrorist connection. But more importantly, we wanted to acknowledge the feminist thinkers who have come before us.

But “Insurgents” is only one half of the name; “Ink” forms the other half and is inspired by the same source. Cixous extends her insurgency metaphor to include writing with white ink: a dual reference to maternity and invisibility. It was important to us that our blog not only provoke our readers, but also inspire them to write. And it is our hope that Insurgents’ Ink will do just that.

Our Purpose

Unlike many blogs, Insurgents’ Ink is not intended as a forum for one individual’s personal opinions. Rather, the purpose of this blog is to provide a forum for a number of people not only to express their opinions, but also to contribute critical essays as well as poems and short works of fiction.

Our intent is to facilitate meaningful discussions, knowing full well that we will encounter differing opinions, and welcoming the subsequent dialogue.

Whether you are female or male, a believer in a “fourth wave” of feminism or a champion of the Nietzschean-like declaration that “Feminism is Dead”—we believe that virtually anything can be approached through a feminist lens. And perhaps more importantly, we believe that contemporary issues confronting feminists and females should be discussed amongst a broad collective of writers.

We encourage you to follow our blog and share your thoughts/writing with a community of feminists! If you’re interested in submitting an essay, poem, or short fiction, please read the “Submission Requirements."