Insurgents' Ink: Gilding the Lily

Sunday, March 13, 2016

Gilding the Lily

With very few exceptions, I have chosen not to wear make-up most of my adult life. Make up was for special occasions only. It was a very conscious choice; I knew that if I got into the habit, I would start to feel ugly without it. I did not want, what I felt, was an unhealthy, confidence-draining dependence. I was proud to explain my decision if I was ever asked about it. Granted--and I do NOT take this lightly--I've had it easy, blessed with qualities mainstream society considers beautiful: white, thin, tall, blond hair, blue-eyes, clear skin. Had this not been the case, I'm sure I would have made different decisions...but as it was, I didn't feel the need to and that choice was easy to make. Here's a picture of me in graduate school:

When I was hit with a chronic illness a few years ago, this began to change. My face began to be nothing short of ugly most of the time. My palor sickly greenish, my lips lost all color, the circles under my eyes dark and pronounced like bruises. Here's a picture of me in the midst of my illness:

Because of this, I now wear makeup on a daily basis, often not leaving the house without it. As I expected in younger days, I feel ugly without it. I also take great care to dress myself very fashionably. I have a list of outfits on a ring by my bed, so that when I get up for work I can be sure to be best dressed in the office. I don't work without make-up on. Here's a picture of me at work:

I've learned that this costuming, one could call it, is very common for those of us with chronic illness. We want so badly to hide our illness, to be seen as more than our illness, to be seen as capable, that we spend a great deal of our most precious and most limited resource (energy) on beautification...at least many women with chronic illness do.

I have no idea if men perform similar rituals with the limited beautification supplies available to them. I would hazard a guess, however, that they do not simply because men are not judged by their appearance as harshly, and with as many consequences as women are.

So, while I am grateful for my make-up each day as I apply it, I also feel a tinge of remorse, regret, guilt? I'm not sure what it is, but part of me knows I'm doing something that doesn't quite align with my own sense of something. Part of me feels like a phony.

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Submission Guidelines

1. We are currently seeking critical essay submissions on the topic of the intersectionality of sexism and racism,

We accept Poetry and Short Fiction submissions on any topic.

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Bios

Amber Dickey- Co-Editor
She received an M.A. in English with an emphasis on literature and a B.A. in English with an American literature concentration from CSU Sacramento. As an undergraduate, Amber won second place in the Bazzanella Literary Awards for her critical analysis of T.S. Eliot's The Wasteland. She is an avid fan of the Lost Generation writers, Héléne Cixous, bell hooks, Judith Butler, and many, many others. Her interests lie in the arts, poverty and race studies, gender studies, queer theory, pedagogy, and the Feminist Movement debate. She credits her mother's strength and perseverance as a single mother of three with inspiring her to work hard for everything she wants and never take shit from anyone.

Autumn Newman- Co-Editor
Autumn is a feminist new-formalist poet who received her MFA in creative writing from the University of Southern Maine’s Stonecoast low-residency program where she had the opportunity to work with poets Annie Finch, Baron Wormser and many other talented writers. She also holds a BA in English from California State University, Sacramento, where the poet and professor Joshua McKinney infected her with a seemingly innocent, yet unyielding, addiction to formal poetics. Autumn’s poems have appeared in various small poetry journals and most recently online at Able Muse and Cider Press Review. Aside from poetry and feminism, Autumn’s passions include: pedagogy, graphic novels, music, film, domestic violence education, race relations and all issues that affect and contribute to the unequal power structure of our society.

What's in a Name?

Insurgents’ Ink is a labor of love, and at no moment were the labor pains more evident than when we struggled to come up with an appropriate name for this blog. French feminist Héléne Cixous in her well-known piece from the 1970s, Laugh of the Medusa, famously explicated her concept of insurgency. In it, she urges her female readers to commit an act of insurgency by the simple act of writing, an act, she argues, that allows females to actively resist the historical imperative that women remain in the background. Writing allows women to reclaim their bodies and their minds.

Of course, the term “insurgent” has taken on a far more insidious connotation in our post-9/11 world; read anachronistically, Cixous seems to be likening écriture féminine to terrorism. While we certainly do not wish to take Cixous’ words out of context, we got a chuckle out of the female-writer-as-terrorist connection. But more importantly, we wanted to acknowledge the feminist thinkers who have come before us.

But “Insurgents” is only one half of the name; “Ink” forms the other half and is inspired by the same source. Cixous extends her insurgency metaphor to include writing with white ink: a dual reference to maternity and invisibility. It was important to us that our blog not only provoke our readers, but also inspire them to write. And it is our hope that Insurgents’ Ink will do just that.

Our Purpose

Unlike many blogs, Insurgents’ Ink is not intended as a forum for one individual’s personal opinions. Rather, the purpose of this blog is to provide a forum for a number of people not only to express their opinions, but also to contribute critical essays as well as poems and short works of fiction.

Our intent is to facilitate meaningful discussions, knowing full well that we will encounter differing opinions, and welcoming the subsequent dialogue.

Whether you are female or male, a believer in a “fourth wave” of feminism or a champion of the Nietzschean-like declaration that “Feminism is Dead”—we believe that virtually anything can be approached through a feminist lens. And perhaps more importantly, we believe that contemporary issues confronting feminists and females should be discussed amongst a broad collective of writers.

We encourage you to follow our blog and share your thoughts/writing with a community of feminists! If you’re interested in submitting an essay, poem, or short fiction, please read the “Submission Requirements."